I don’t know how good it is to always think people don’t like me, I know it’s really not appropriate to think I have no friends because I have friends who like me. But still I feel I’m not lovable, Am I? I don’t know!
When I see my other friends treated so well by their friends, I really feel bad, of course not jealous. I question myself, why nobody treats me like that? Why am I not special to anyone? Of course, I have a thousand friends but I’m not special to even a single person. But why? Is it that I have friends to whom I’m special but they don’t know how to express it? This one thought makes me cry at times. One of my friends went to India recently and her friends did welcome her with a cake with a welcome message on it. One of my friends recently had her birthday and people took so much effort to celebrate her birthday with all surprise birthday video and party, I was so happy to see this but I was kind of sad and I know this is not jealous because she is my friend too and I love her. What is making me feel bad? Is it that my friends didn’t welcome me like that when I went to India after a long time? Is it that nobody was excited to meet me except my parents? Is it that nobody wants to celebrate my birthday? Is it that no one sent a greeting card for my birthday? I don’t know.
Well, this doesn’t mean I am asking my friends to do all these things just because I’m feeling bad, no, not really. I understand friendship is not just this. Of course, I have friends who like my company but I was never made feel so special. I’m just questioning myself, when everyone is treated so well, why not me? I desperately want to talk to someone now, yes I’m crying but I don’t know who I should call. No, ain’t complaining or comparing my life with others, I know I’m happy with what I have but still……it’s INCOMPLETE. Should I still hope, someday someone will treat me better than everything and make me feel special??…Ok! Hoping!
Until next time…… ❤